stars

2006-05-20T23:34:00.000+08:00

i guess i have to pick myself up again. i am really tired and sick of the present me now. i don't want to become who i am now. i don't know why and how too. paranoid, depressed easily, zero confidence in myself. whatever i am doing now, it's causing more people to dislike me. and i know it's not their fault. it's me, myself and i. i really like crying out loud and letting go of all my feelings but i can't. instead, i have to keep telling myself that i can't cry infront of everybody. i just can't. i am really feeling confused right now. sigh. who is going to save me?? i am scared too. this is something that i am trying to deny it. scared of my health, my future and everything.
i think i've really made up my mind now. i will change from now on. change back to my old self. when i was happier and not so troubled.
the question is, can i or can i not do it?
well, i believe that it will take me a long time but i am sure one day, i will definitely achieve it.

p.s. inner beauty is what that matters most in the end. :) this will be my mantra from now on.

2006-05-06T13:10:00.000+08:00

ahhh~~couldn't get to sleep last night..stayed wide awake till around 6.30am then i finally slept for a while..woke up again at 7 plus! what was i doing while i was awake? i don't know...jus kept thinking of stuffs...i still can't get out of my problem.it's like a routine to me..i will keep on planning and planning...i just can't help it. i want to get out of it badly. i want to return to my own self...like what i used to be last time. i really really don't know what i am so scared of..everyone around me keeps telling me that i am alright..but i am too obsessed in it already..i see myself the other way..even convinced myself that i am like that...i am tired too...i really really want to return to my old self...i need time..lots of it.

on a lighter note, i have thought of my friends' presents :) have to go shopping for presents soon!

onegai~!

2006-05-04T09:57:00.000+08:00

Dear GOD,
Please, please let me get a job soon. I promise i will do the best i can and work hard.

2006-05-02T09:24:00.000+08:00

useless. it's the word to describe how i am feeling now.
can someone tell me what i am supposed to do now?
answers. yeah, i need that now!

atarashii no boku

2006-04-29T22:56:00.000+08:00

i must be in one of my blogging moods again. i guess i AM becoming pretty eccentric nowadays. don't know what i am so troubled about..i know i have a problem but...i am in denial..i really know that..no matter how hard i try to convince myself to stop thinking rubbish and to snap out of it, i just can't seem to..i'll be alright for awhile but i'll be back to my crazy or whatever self again..nobody understands me but even i don't understand myself most of the times..honto ni kanashii yo..